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Hello Haya,<\/i><\/p>\n
I’m a young mother of a two-year-old boy who is a very energetic kid. Now my problem is that ever since my son began walking he just doesn’t sit anywhere \u2014 whether we’re at home or elsewhere. While we’re okay with him being his mischievous and energetic self at home because this is a part of his growing up phase, but it gets really difficult for us to manage him when we are going out for dinner or visiting relatives or friends.<\/p>\n
We recently went to my husband’s aunt’s home for a get-together and he just wouldn’t sit at one place and almost broke something. As a mother, I try my best to discipline my son, but he’s a toddler at the end of the day. My husband’s aunt was visibly furious and even once told off my son. This made feel really awkward but also slightly angry because how can people expect a little child to be completely obedient.<\/p>\n
This instance left me really embarrassed but I also feel that people need to be a little understanding. I just didn’t know how to react in that very moment. But I really want to understand how to manage such situations in the future. I neither want to be known as a mother who can’t discipline her kid nor someone who can’t stand up for her child. Please help!<\/p>\n
\u2014 A struggling mother<\/i><\/p>\n\n
\n Dear struggling mother, <\/i><\/p>\n
Thank you for sharing a very relatable query. I am sure a lot of mothers can relate to it.<\/p>\n
First and foremost, I want to acknowledge something that often goes unseen \u2014 that you are trying. You’re showing up, you’re reflecting, and you’re clearly a loving and thoughtful parent.<\/p>\n
When it comes to your query, I\u2019m hearing that your son\u2019s behaviour outside the home is leaving you feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed, especially during visits to friends, family, or when you’re out for dinner. As you mentioned, he\u2019s a toddler, full of energy and curiosity, for which his behaviour is completely normal at this stage. <\/p>\n
But I also hear that it\u2019s not just about his behaviour \u2014 it\u2019s the pressure of how you’re perceived while you parent in public. Trying to strike that balance between \u201cfirm discipline\u201d and \u201cwarm defence\u201d can be overwhelming, especially when there are eyes watching, judgments forming, and cultural expectations quietly (or not-so-quietly) pressing in.<\/p>\n
There are a few ways to handle this situation, lets explore and take what fits you best:<\/p>\n
1.\tManage your expectations<\/span><\/h2>\nTwo-year-olds are wired for movement, curiosity, and impulse. They don\u2019t yet have the neurological capacity to \u201csit still\u201d for long or understand social expectations the way adults do. What feels like defiance is often just a mismatch between a child\u2019s developmental stage and the adult environment they\u2019re placed in especially in unfamiliar environments. You would need to expect him to behave in a manner any two-year-old would. <\/p>\n
2.\tPrepare before hand<\/span><\/h2>\n\nBefore you go for social outings, take familiar toys, activities to keep him engaged. Prepare him before hand, for example by saying (We\u2019re going to aunty\u2019s house. There will be breakable things. We\u2019ll stay in one room\/play with quiet toys). Even toddlers benefit from gentle, age-appropriate reminders. <\/li>\n If you feel the event is not child friendly, then sometimes either you or your husband could go or you can briefly attend or you could ask someone to babysit for you. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n3.\tSet boundaries gently during the visit<\/span><\/h2>\n\nIf your child is being particularly active, try calmly guiding them. For example, \u201cLet\u2019s sit together for a while\u201d or \u201clets go see this corner of the room\u201d<\/li>\n If they\u2019re about to break something, redirect without scolding: \u201cOops, that\u2019s not for playing. Let\u2019s find your toy.\u201d<\/li>\n Give the guests a heads up and let them know he\u2019s super restless and energetic and doesn\u2019t sit still in this phase \u2013 that way you\u2019ve managed expectations beforehand. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n4.\tStand up for your child<\/span><\/h2>\nIf someone says something to your son and you don\u2019t like it, you can respectfully set a boundary. Stay calm yet protective. For example: \u201cHe\u2019s in his terrible two\u2019s and he\u2019s super restless as all kids his age and is still learning. We are working on it, I’ll handle it, thank you”. Or if you freeze in the moment you can follow up later and say, “Hey, thanks for having us over. I know (xyz) can be mischievous, and can be overwhelming for everyone, we are already working on disciplining him as he grows older. <\/p>\n
5.\tChoose where you would like to go<\/span><\/h2>\nIf you feel uncomfortable going out at this stage, you can respectfully decline the places you feel like there is lack of understanding for his behaviour and choose to go to the places where you feel more ease and comfort. <\/p>\n
6.\tYou\u2019re not failing to discipline<\/span><\/h2>\nIt can be really easy to be hard on yourself but remember you are parenting in reality. You\u2019re not raising a robot \u2014 you\u2019re raising a person. A curious, emotionally developing little boy who will benefit far more from your patient guidance than from forced obedience. You are not failing by feeling embarrassed \u2014 it\u2019s a natural human response. <\/p>\n
Last but not least, remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. <\/p>\n
Give yourself some credit and compassion \u2014 you’re doing the best you can. Parenting is a balancing act between advocating for your child and respecting the space of others. What truly matters is not perfection, but intention \u2014 and you’re showing a great deal of heart and awareness in wanting to learn from this.<\/p>\n
Good luck and best wishes,<\/p>\n
\u2014 Haya<\/span><\/p>\n
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