{"id":946,"date":"2023-12-10T06:30:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-10T06:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ventil.rs\/blog\/life-style\/the-most-stressful-time-of-the-year-teachers-on-the-carnage-of-nativity-plays\/"},"modified":"2023-12-10T06:30:00","modified_gmt":"2023-12-10T06:30:00","slug":"the-most-stressful-time-of-the-year-teachers-on-the-carnage-of-nativity-plays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ventil.rs\/blog\/life-style\/the-most-stressful-time-of-the-year-teachers-on-the-carnage-of-nativity-plays\/","title":{"rendered":"The most stressful time of the year: Teachers on the \u2018carnage\u2019 of nativity plays"},"content":{"rendered":"


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P<\/span>icture\u00a0this. You\u2019ve spent the past few weeks, maybe months, moonlighting as a part-time theatre impresario: shaping the script, rehearsing musical numbers, and making sure your stars are hitting their marks. Then, on the December morning of the big premiere, as angels, shepherds and donkeys are donning their costumes, the phone\u00a0rings. Half of the cast are\u00a0sick,\u00a0their parents say. The whole of reception has been struck by a nasty winter bug. Andrew Lloyd Webber never had to deal with this,\u00a0you think to yourself. \u201cOne time it was just phone call after phone call: the whole cast was dropping like flies,\u201d recalls former reception\u00a0teacher and nativity veteran Alex Burnside,\u00a0the founder of a pre-school phonics class providers\u00a0Phonics with Robot Reg<\/a>. \u201cWe had no Mary. I was going on the playground trying to find a child to replace her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Welcome to the chaotic world of the primary school\u00a0nativity\u00a0play<\/a>, where the adage \u201cthe show must go on\u201d has never been truer. It\u2019s a rite of passage for kids<\/a>, and a logistical nightmare for teachers. One half-hour\u00a0performance\u00a0\u2013 whether it be a traditional tableau or something\u00a0a little left-field\u00a0(more on that later) \u2013 requires at least a half-term\u2019s worth of planning. \u201cI don\u2019t think the parents ever realise the work that goes into it,\u201d says Lily Bond, who spent several years teaching at a south London\u00a0primary\u00a0school. \u201cThey say, \u2018Never work with animals or children.\u2019 It\u2019s just like herding kittens, basically, and getting them to learn anything by heart takes weeks and weeks of input.\u201d<\/p>\n

Throughout December, she adds, carol singing basically becomes a core subject: \u201cYou\u2019re not doing anything except English, Maths and nativity.\u201d It\u2019s no wonder that when you ask primary staff to describe the run-up, the vibe is\u2026 well, a bit frazzled. \u201cIt\u2019s carnage,\u201d Bond says. \u201cPut it this way. A couple of my friends when I was teaching had given up smoking, and then started again during the Christmas term because of the stress.\u201d Teacher and travel nanny Julia Seal, meanwhile, still recalls \u201cthe absolute fear and stress\u201d\u00a0she faced when tasked with single-handedly corralling\u00a0three year groups into putting on a nativity play while two of her colleagues were on\u00a0sick\u00a0leave. \u201cIt was just something I will never forget,\u201d she says. \u201cIt was like my magnum opus!\u201d<\/p>\n

The first big decision? The script.\u00a0Instead of opting for a straightforward nativity,\u00a0Burnside and her colleagues tended to buy in a\u00a0pre-written Christmas-themed production (there are plenty of companies selling kid-friendly shows online). They\u2019d listen\u00a0to\u00a0song\u00a0snippets before taking their pick. \u201cWe might edit it a bit, because the children were so little,\u201d she says. The plays are geared towards specific age groups, but there\u2019s a significant gap between the performing capabilities of a four-year-old who has only spent a few weeks in school and those of a self-confident seven-year-old. Those bought-in\u00a0performances, she adds, tend to involve \u201cweird and wonderful whacky characters\u201d alongside the classic nativity\u00a0heavy\u00a0hitters (Mary, Joseph, wise men et al). \u201cI bet the poor parents love when their child is the cockerel: \u2018Brilliant\u00a0\u2013\u00a0I could just go to Tesco and buy a king outfit, but I can\u2019t buy a cockerel\u2026\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Sometimes staff will embrace the opportunity to get creative. \u201cEvery year, there\u2019s a newly qualified teacher who comes in with some new-fangled idea,\u201d Bond says. \u201cIt gets really abstract and meta when you\u2019re trying to include all the children and obviously come up with exciting ideas. There was one where aliens had invaded Bethlehem. And so, it was Mary, Joseph, then all the other kids as aliens [arriving] from other planets for the birth of Jesus.\u201d Recently, one of her more adventurous colleagues masterminded a play inspired by\u00a0Britain\u2019s Got Talent<\/em>. \u201cThey had a panel of judges who would judge all the characters from the nativity based on different Christmas\u00a0performances. My kids were camels, so we had to teach them how to do a tango, dressed in camel costumes.\u201d\u00a0Suddenly, that scene in\u00a0Love Actually<\/em><\/a>\u00a0in which Emma Thompson\u2019s on-screen daughter proudly announces she has been cast as her nativity\u2019s \u201cfirst lobster\u201d\u00a0doesn\u2019t seem so far-fetched.<\/p>\n

The nativity has such a hold on our imagination that it\u2019s often seen as a sort of rudimentary psychometric test for kids \u2013 their\u00a0appointed\u00a0roles apparently reflective of\u00a0some\u00a0inner self<\/a>. Mary, we assume, is popular and probably photogenic;\u00a0the narrator is chatty and articulate;\u00a0the wise men, solemn, and so on. In 2019, Virgin Media\u00a0released a survey\u00a0revealing\u00a0that children who played the ox went on to earn the highest salaries, closely followed by former Angel Gabriels.\u00a0The study, however, was conducted with a paltry sample size of just 2,000\u00a0\u2013 and as a one-time ox, I beg to differ. (Although, in truth, I played\u00a0\u2013\u00a0mortification of mortifications\u00a0\u2013\u00a0the back end of an ox, so perhaps the research doesn\u2019t quite apply.) But personality\u00a0is a consideration\u00a0during casting\u00a0\u2013\u00a0as is reading ability. \u201cYou always get [a pupil who is] quite advanced, usually a girl, who\u2019s quite confident to speak who you end up choosing to be the narrator,\u201d Bond says. \u201cThat\u2019s always quite obvious\u00a0\u2013\u00a0even in the first week of term, you\u2019re like, \u2018I already can sense who my narrators are going to be in this room\u2019.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Rite of passage: does your nativity role really reflect your personality? <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

(Getty Images)<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It\u2019s a\u00a0running joke, she adds, \u201cthat you always pick the naughty kids to be the angels\u201d. Burnside, meanwhile, tended to cast the less theatrically inclined\u00a0children\u00a0as camels. And although Mary and Joseph get star billing, the roles are often given to \u201csomeone shy and quiet, because generally they just have to sit there\u201d, she explains. \u201cMary and Joseph don\u2019t even have that many lines,\u201d Seal agrees. \u201cThey\u2019re certainly recognisable parts, but children can be the narrator, the sheep, a shepherd and completely own the part and actually be really funny. Sometimes you get, \u2018But I wanted to be that one!\u2019 but once they get over that, they really can do so well.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not just the kids\u2019 temperaments that need to be delicately handled.\u00a0Parent politics come into play, too.\u00a0\u201cThere\u2019s so much hanging on the nativity\u2026 for a lot of parents it\u2019s a big milestone,\u201d Seal says. It can be \u201cquite hard to manage because parents have very different expectations and ideas, compared to what is quite often your more realistic expectation of what a child can do. And sometimes children are different at home versus at school, so there\u2019s a lot in play there\u201d. Even if parents are happy with the role their little one has been given, sometimes \u201cthey\u2019re not happy with the amount of lines\u00a0[their child has] compared to someone else. So, it has to be very carefully choreographed\u201d.<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s a\u00a0running joke that you always pick the naughty kids to be the angels<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

When it comes to the night (or morning) of the\u00a0performance\u00a0itself, there are a few things that teachers\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0<\/em>want to hear from well-meaning audience members. \u201cParents are always saying, \u2018They\u2019ll be really cute,\u2019 which as a teacher, I found annoying,\u201d Burnside says. \u201cOr \u2018We actually prefer it when they do something wrong!\u2019 We\u2019ve practised this for weeks \u2013 although we know [mistakes] get a laugh, it isn\u2019t what the teacher wants. We want the West End-style show!\u201d Sometimes, family members will\u00a0bemoan the story itself. \u201cGrandparents would always say, \u2018Oh, it\u2019s changed so much from when I last saw this sort of thing,\u2019\u201d says Bond. \u201cIt\u2019s because we try to make them a little bit more inclusive.\u201d And, inevitably, snap-happy parents will get a telling-off for using their phones, despite the repeated pre-show instructions not to. \u201cOne year, my boss actually stopped it halfway through and was like, \u2018This is ridiculous. There\u2019s five, ten cameras with flashes on\u2026 Please could you put your phones away?\u2019\u201d Bond remembers. \u201cFive minutes later they got them back out again.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Organised chaos: Producing a nativity play can be so stressful<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

(Getty Images)<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When the audience are finally allowed to take photos, it feels \u201clike the paparazzi have arrived\u201d, says Burnside.\u00a0The nativity, she notes, is \u201creally for the parents, I don\u2019t think the children really enjoy it by the end\u201d. Bond echoes her sentiments almost exactly, \u201cIt\u2019s a weird performative thing, where the kids, by the end, don\u2019t enjoy it. It\u2019s all basically to show the parents, to give them a chance to say, \u2018Oh, aren\u2019t they cute? It\u2019s Christmas!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite the stresses,\u00a0the\u00a0casting politics and\u00a0the\u00a0last-minute role re-shuffles,\u00a0Bond and Burnside\u00a0agree the tradition has its charms. \u201cChristmas is a really manic time, but it\u2019s a really lovely time to be around little excited kids,\u201d Burnside says. \u201cLife is really hard, and you need that bit of festivity,\u201d Bond adds. \u201cOne of the things I miss most about being a teacher is that magic you have when you\u2019re around kids at Christmas. And I think [the nativity] engages parents in that. It gives them something where they come together and watch something celebratory and festive. In the middle of winter, you need that. It\u2019s something to boost morale.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n


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Stay ahead of the trend in fashion and beyond with our free weekly Lifestyle Edit newsletter Stay ahead of the trend in fashion and beyond with our free weekly Lifestyle Edit newsletter Picture\u00a0this. You\u2019ve spent the past few weeks, maybe months, moonlighting as a part-time theatre impresario: shaping the script, rehearsing musical numbers, and making…<\/p>\n

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